And You Can Quote Me On That
by saresare
Summary: The funniest/best quotes from Primeval.
1. Title

**»-(¯`v´¯)-»**

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******"AND YOU CAN QUOTE ME ON THAT"**

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_by saresare_

The funniest/best quotes from Primeval.

**DISCLAIMER:** I own nothing.

**RATING:** K+**  
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**STATUS: **Complete**  
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**SPOILERS:** Everything


	2. Season one

**Episode 1**

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Connor: "Connor Temple."  
Nick: "Sorry, I've never heard of it. Um, I think you want archaeology. If you go around up there to the right and keep walking it's on your left."  
Connor: "No, no, it's not a place. It's my name."

Tim: "How are Brad and Angelina?"  
Abby: "Totally gay, but otherwise fine."

Nick: "Connor never met a conspiracy theory he didn't like."

Claudia: "Where's it gone?"  
Nick: "Home."

Nick: "What could cause a magnetic field so powerful?"  
Connor: "Maybe it's an alien spaceship."

Connor: "Brilliant, just brilliant ... oh, that was my front door key."

Lester: "You spend your entire career planning for just about every crisis imaginable, up to and including alien invasion, then this happens. So much for thinking outside the bloody box."

Lester: "Suppose this remarkable theory's correct, what are the immediate risks?"  
Nick: "Famine, war, pestilence. The end of the world as we know it. You know, the usual stuff."  
Lester: "I think I could do without the facetiousness."  
Nick: "Well I could do without standing in some anaemic office in Whitehall talking to a civil service pen pusher, when I should be exploring the most significant phenomenon in the history of science."  
Lester: "Technically, I'm not actually a civil servant. More a trouble-shooter without portfolio in the PM's office."  
Nick: "You mean you're a government hatchet man."  
Lester: "Colourful, but surprisingly accurate."

Abby: "Do they even know he can fly?"  
Lester: "Fly?"  
[_Rex escapes and flies away; Abby and Claudia chase him_]  
Lester: "He _can_ fly."  
Nick: "Mm, pretty well."

Nick: "Some force out there ripped the boundaries of space and time to shreds. Maybe it's happened before, in which case, every single thing we thought we knew about the universe is wrong. Or this is the first time, in which case, what changed? What happens next? Believe me; it's very, very far from over."

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**Episode 2**

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Tom: "Careful! That's invoking a sacred relic."  
Duncan: "Yeah, like the Bible."  
Connor: "Yeah, I know what a sacred relic is, Duncan. I have seen _Raiders of the Lost Ark_."

Abby: "What does Cutter say?"  
Connor: "I haven't actually told him yet. You know I could be wrong and I don't want him to think I'm an idiot."  
Abby: "He already thinks you're an idiot."  
Connor: "Thanks very much."

Connor: "We could find a new little playmate for Rex. They could get together and talk about _really_ old times."

Lester: "I don't like anyone to whom the adjective 'maverick' might be applied. Cutter virtually owns the copyright."

Connor: "Uh, no, not that I can remember. No. Actually, I've never seen him with a woman. He might not like 'em. Could be gay."  
Abby: "He's gay?"  
Connor: "Well I never said he was. I just said he could be."  
Abby: "But you don't know."  
Connor: "Not conclusively."

Claudia: "Right now this is just a rumour mill for internet conspiracy freaks. And we can contain that. The alternatives are panic, hysteria, potential lawlessness. Totally unviable."  
Cutter: "A cover-up. Connor will be thrilled."  
Claudia: "It's not a cover-up. Well, okay, it is. But we have to do it."

Cutter: "They don't even know what they're looking for."  
Stephen: "Well there can't be that many different types of venomous predator under the Aldwych."  
Claudia: "You should see the last tube home on a Friday night."

Abby: "To tell you the truth, spiders aren't really my thing."  
Stephen: "Yeah well technically these are probably scorpions."  
Abby: "I feel better already."

Abby: "Does anyone have a really big slipper?"

Abby: "We don't know. No one does!"  
Stephen: "Connor might. He's like a walking encyclopaedia of this stuff. He probably has giant bug fridge magnets."

Nick: "What happened?"  
Stephen: "Argument with the bug. The bug won."

Stephen: "Have dinner with me."  
Abby: "We'll talk about it when you're better."  
Stephen: "I can't wait that long."  
Abby: "Of course I will. And I'll have coffee at your place later and stay for breakfast in the morning."  
Stephen: "Good result."

Connor: "Look, if I don't come back, you can have my _Star Trek: Next Generation_ Top Trumps."  
Abby: "I'll treasure them."  
Connor: "You know what, on second thought, actually maybe you should bury them with me."

Connor: "Claustrophobia and vertigo on the same day. This is, um, fabulous."

Connor: "You see, the same thing happened to me once. With Buffy, the Vampire Slayer. I admit she's a fictional character, but, you know, when it feels real... Then she starts hanging around with this badly animated dog and it all got a bit weird."

Claudia: "How are you feeling?"  
Stephen: "Like I gargled with sand and slept inside a tumble dryer."

Connor: "All me life I've wanted to be in a crime-busting gang. And now I am. Sort of ... I don't suppose you'd consider giving me a cool nickname, would you?"  
Nick: "No."

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**Episode 3**

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Lester: "Who's that idiot?"  
Nick: "Connor Temple. He looks like a half-wit but he has a very good brain."  
Lester: "We may stand on the brink of Armageddon, but at least we have an irritating student on our side. How reassuring."

Connor: "You know, it's not until you got bitten that I thought that one of us might actually die from doing this. Really upset me."  
Stephen [sarcastic]: "You must have gone through hell."  
Connor: "Yep." [grins] "It did make me think about what's important, though, you know. Sort out your priorities a bit. If you get killed, can I have your iPod?"

Connor: "Is that perfume?"  
Abby: "I can do the girl thing, you know."  
Connor: "Ooh!"

Connor: "Don't flatter yourself. Some of us just like hanging out with the nurses."

Stephen: "She's been in the rainforest for two years researching infectious diseases."  
Connor: "Let's hope she's not one of those girls that brings her work home with her."

Nick: "Would you let me talk to her?"  
Investigator: "What about? Monsters? I'm conducting a serious murder investigation here."  
Nick: "It was no murder. Anthony Barton was killed by an ancient marine predator, which then returned to its home millions of years in the past."  
Investigator: "Who are you people?"

Stephen: "Connor, I'm flattered, but you're really not my type."

Lester: "And would you rather tell the police that an ancient sea monster is cruising our swimming pools consuming lifeguards?"

Nick: "It's very likely, provided you also believe she swallowed him whole and then drove twenty miles down the motorway to regurgitate his remains."

Claudia: "I used to sit there praying something would happen in my life."  
Nick: "Careful what you wish for."

Claudia: "Highly trained civil servant. We're famous for our emotional empathy."

Nick: "You don't have to worry about me."  
Claudia: "I'm not. I'm just thinking of all the paperwork I'll have to do if you drown. No idea how many forms I'll have to fill in."

Connor: "Why does Stephen get all the fun stuff to do while we get stuck collecting water samples?"  
Abby: "He looks better in a wetsuit."

Lester: "You people, you're worse than the climate change mob."

Duncan: "Yeah. Perhaps he's got a girlfriend."  
[_Tom and Duncan laugh_]  
Duncan: "Nah."

Claudia: "It looks like a plumber was attacked in some woman's cellar."  
Lester: "I'm not surprised. Have you seen how much these people charge?"

Connor: "She's still alive? Um, how did I miss that?"  
Claudia: "It's a long story."  
Connor: "So eight years she's been living in the past? My God, how are we going to explain _Celebrity Love Island_ to her?"  
Claudia: "Shut up, Connor."

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**Episode 4**

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Helen: "I'll tell you one thing. You're the spitting image of a utahraptor I once met in the Jurassic."

[_Stephen kicks ball onto 'no ball games' sign_]  
Connor: "Fluke."  
Stephen: "Jealous."

Nick: "I hope she's driving Lester crazy."

Stephen: "We're gonna need a bigger sack."

Connor: "Listen, you, um ... you couldn't just give us a kiss, could you?"  
Abby: "No!"  
Connor: "I'll give you twenty quid."  
Abby: "Oh! What do you think I am?"  
Connor: "I think you're a person who kidnaps dinosaurs and hides them from the authorities."  
Abby: "You wouldn't."

Lester: "I think I trust her about as far as I can throw a stegosaurus."

Claudia: "You know what, she's really starting to get on my nerves."  
Nick: "I can understand that."

[_Stephen catches metal object about to hit Connor_]  
Stephen: "This is where you duck."  
Connor: "Okay." [_ducks_]

Duncan: "My God. They've turned Connor into a turkey!"

Nick: "We better ship this lot back before we upset Darwin. Now, everybody, um ... grab a dodo."

Abby: "Oh, how did that happen?"  
Connor: "Maybe it ate one of the pies."

Tom: "No, no, no. Don't contaminate it 'cause we can sell dodo sick on eBay."

Stephen: "You know those movies when you think the killer's finally dead and then all of a sudden they just jump up again?"  
Capt Ryan: "Yeah, I hate those films."  
Stephen: "Me too ... after you."

Stephen: "There is no conspiracy."  
Duncan: "So what's all this, then? Meeting of the local Women's Institute? The CIA? The Freemasons? The Illuminati?"

Connor: "You can fight the dark side, mate. You really can."

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**Episode 5**

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Abby: "Connor, the thermostat. It's at 34."  
Connor: "Yep. Rex was looking a wee bit chilly. The way I see it, we get too hot, we can just take a bit more kit off, can't we? If that little fella gets too cold, well, I couldn't bear it if anything happened to him, Abby."  
Abby: "Yeah, right. Okay." [_walks away_] "Close your mouth, Connor. You're dribbling."

Abby: "I'm off to yoga!"  
Connor. "Right. Well anytime you need help with your bending or with your stretching, you should give me a call."

Abby: "How many days are there in a week, Connor?"  
Connor: "Is this a riddle? How many?"  
Abby: "Seven."  
Connor: "Well that's neither funny or clever."

Claudia: "Four hours? I told you to seal the perimeter, not dry stone wall it."

Connor: "Abby Maitland's love shack, number one stud speaking. Oh, no no, it's, it's Connor, Professor."

Stephen: "So, not so hard to find then."

Connor: "You know what, I swear when I catch you you're gonna be the first animal to become extinct twice."

Claudia: "I'm not taking any more chances. I want it dead."  
Nick: "Oh just humour me."  
Claudia: "What?"  
Nick: "Have I ever let you down before? Don't answer that. Just trust me, please."  
Claudia: "Why do you keep _doing_ this to me?"  
Nick: "Look, we're in unknown territory here - I don't know. The only thing that I know is that killing these creatures without good reason is not the answer."

Nick: "Red, that's it. I need your shirt."  
Claudia: "What?"  
Nick: "Your shirt."  
Claudia: "Come on. It's magenta."  
Nick: "It's close enough."  
Claudia: "It's nothing like red!"

Connor: "Rex! Where are you, dude?"  
Abby: "D'you think he was gonna send up a distress flare or something?"  
Connor: "He knows the sound of my voice. I'm thinking he might come running."  
Abby: "He's a lizard, not a golden retriever!"

Medic: "What's your name and how old are you?"  
Claudia: "Claudia Brown and I have no intention of telling you."

Claudia: "What are you doing?"  
Nick: "I've absolutely no idea, but I've seen them do it on ER so there must be something in it."

Nick: "Give me your top."  
Claudia: "It's getting to be a little bit of a habit."  
Nick: "What, asking for your clothes or getting us attacked?"  
Claudia: "Both."

Nick: "What? Yeah, it was me. It was me with a Zippo and a bottle of flammable gas."

Abby: "Okay, here's the deal. You do all the washing up for a month and make me breakfast every weekend. And if you leave your dirty boxer shorts on the bathroom floor one more time, I shall kill you."

Stephen: "Dung never lies. And if I'm wrong about that, at least you'll always have a special place in the history books."  
Nick: "I always wanted to be famous."

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**Episode 6**

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Claudia: "She saved my life. It was much less complicated when she was just the enemy."  
Nick: "Yah. I gave up trying to predict Helen's behaviour when she swapped our marriage for a package tour in the Permian era."  
Claudia: "Maybe it was just a cry for help."  
Nick: "Counselling would have been simpler."

Claudia: "By the way, when those things were attacking us, you kissed me. On the lips."  
Nick: "I know."  
Claudia [joking]: "You do know sexual harassment is a serious disciplinary offence in the civil service?"

Abby: "Okay, I'm a girl in a bar. Tell me I look nice."  
Connor: "You look nice."  
Abby: "Make it more personal."  
Connor: "I personally feel you look nice."

Connor: "All you've got is a missing lion. Maybe he just ran away to join the circus."

Connor: "You just saved my life."  
Abby: "I had to. You haven't paid this month's rent yet."

Lester: "I suppose just bombing somewhere is out of the question?"

Nick: "If I don't make it back, push Lester through the worst anomaly you can find."  
Stephen: "It's a given."

Lester: "Well that wasn't very professional."  
Claudia: "Stuff professionalism."

Lester: "What an extremely awkward moment."

Stephen: "It was a long time ago, in the past."  
Helen: "The past has a habit of coming back these days, doesn't it?"

Stephen: "You know what I'd forgotten, Helen? Sometimes you can be a real bitch."

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**Trivia**

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The nickname 'Soldier Boy' is not exclusive to Becker. In episode 5, Stephen calls Captain Ryan 'Soldier Boy' while uncovering the pteranodon.

_If you want to share a piece of your own trivia from season one, say so and I'll add it with your name._


	3. Season two

**Important Author's Note**

Can people please tell me what their favourite quote was from _each_ episode of both seasons? I want to conduct a poll. In either a review or a personal message. Thanks :)

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**Episode 1**

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Nick: "Something happened while I was in there, something's changed. The world's evolved differently."

Nick: "Who the hell are you?"  
Lester: "Oh, yes. Professor Cutter's suffering from some kind of stress-related amnesia. He seems to have forgotten, well, pretty much everything, really."  
Nick: "No. I haven't forgotten a thing. Wish I could."  
Lester: "Now he's being enigmatic as well. What a vivid repertoire."

Lester: "Cutter's always been eccentric but I'm beginning to think he's just plain deranged."  
Leek: "Well I suppose all very brilliant men are a little bit unusual, sir."  
Lester: "I'm brilliant, Leek, and I'm not the least bit unusual."

Nick: "I could kiss you, Connor."  
Connor: "That's really sweet, but maybe not while there's people watching."

Connor: "Where's my gun? Abby's got one."  
Stephen: "She knows how to use it."  
Abby: "How many animals have you tranquilised?"  
Connor: "I've played darts. You know sometimes I think you don't trust me with firearms."  
Stephen [sarcastic]: "Don't know what gives you that idea."

Nick: "I'm finished with the past. It's just, I don't know if it's finished with me."

Abby: "Oi! Where you going?"  
Connor: "Going to get a slushy. Shh."

Connor: "Aah, I hate that."  
Nick: "What?"  
Connor: "Brain freeze. From the slushy."

Lester: "Leek, has the concept of personal space ever been explained to you?"

Connor: "Give me the gun."  
Abby: "What?"  
Connor: "Come on."  
Abby: "No."  
Connor: "Please?"  
Abby: "No."  
Connor: "It's just for a minute. You wanna go first?"  
[Abby sighs and gives gun to Connor]  
Connor: "Thank you." [Does awesome action scene] "Clear! Clear, guys."  
Abby: "Connor. You're ridiculous."  
Connor: "What?"  
Abby: "I said you're ridiculous."  
Connor: "What do you mean I'm ridiculous? I'm just doing my job."

Nick: "In a fair fight mammals wouldn't stand a chance."  
Stephen: "Well speaking as a mammal I'm all in favour of cheating."

Nick: "What happened?"  
Connor: "I shot her. Collateral damage, though, 'cause I got the raptor too."  
Nick: "You brought down a full-size raptor on your own?"  
Connor: "Yep ... it's nearly full size."

Connor: "On my own?"  
Nick: "It's unconscious, you've got nothing to worry about."  
Connor: "What if it's just playing dead?"  
Nick: "Playing dead?"  
Connor: "Yeah."  
Nick: "Well, as Cretaceous era predators go this creature's pretty smart, so ... Yeah, he's probably ... Watch out for that." [walks away]  
Connor: "Yeah ..." [weak laugh] "Really?"

Connor: "Where's it gone? Oh for crying out loud, how hard can it be to see a raptor in a shopping centre?"

Nick: "Did you see an animal pass this way?"  
Teenager 1: "A dog, a polar bear, what?"

Teenager 1: "You've got to admit, that's pretty awesome."  
Teenager 2: "Pretty cool, but you could tell it was a model."  
Teenager 1: "Yeah, of course."

Connor: "Bet you boys are glad you gave me a gun now, huh?"

Connor: "You know Abby, I want you to know something. If I was gonna shoot anyone, you'd so be like the last person I'd shoot. Apart from me mother, obviously. But you'd be way down the bottom of the list with her. In fact, I don't think I'd shoot either of you." [cocks gun]  
Abby: "Can you drop this?"  
Connor: "Yeah."  
Abby: "Can you move the gun out of the Abby area?"  
Connor: "Sure."  
Abby: "Thanks."  
Connor: [gestures] "Go, I've got your back."

Connor: "So guys, let me get this straight. All we have to do is drag two of the angriest creatures in the known universe through a hole in time, back into an ancient world where we don't know what's waiting on the other side for us."  
Stephen: "When you put it like that, it sounds so easy."

Abby: "We'll help."  
Connor: "Who's 'we'? ... I didn't say I wouldn't. I just prefer if I could do my own volunteering, thank you."

Nick: "You're right. Just don't overdo it, you know, you haven't been right for a while."

Connor: "Now all we have to do is find out what's causing the anomalies in the first place."  
Nick: "That might take a wee bit longer."

Lester: "Yeah, you deserve a rest and a chance to recover. Take an hour. No, let's not be mean. Take two. I'll see you back here at nine."

Lester: "You're late."  
Nick: "So fire me."  
Lester: "We can all dream."

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**Episode 2**

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Lester: "Yes, meet Professor Nick Cutter. A fascinating study of the tipping point between inspiration and lunacy."

Connor: "Come on, Professor, you can't go flaky on us now. I mean, it's nearly twelve o'clock and we're probably gonna have to save the world again before bedtime."

Lester: "Will it be expensive?"  
Nick: "Only if we do it properly."

Caroline: "I don't really feel like horror tonight. I feel like something a bit more ..."  
Connor: "Erotic- romantic?"

Helen: "I didn't mean to hurt you."  
Stephen: "But you did. You hurt everyone. You always do."

Caroline: "Hello Rex."  
[Rex tries to bite Caroline]  
Connor: "Oh, I'm sorry. He's not ... he doesn't normally do that. Bad lizard. Bad Rex."  
Abby: "I suppose he's just doing what his instinct dictates."

Abby: "Who is she?"  
Connor: "Dunno. She picked me up at the video shop."  
Abby: "She picked you up?"  
Connor: "Yeah. A lot of women find me attractive ... What?"  
Abby [supressing laughter]: "Nothing."

Nick: "See, I feel like I do know you."  
Jenny: "You don't, because if you did, I'd be aware of it, wouldn't I?"  
Nick: "Oh, no. Not necessarily."  
Jenny: "Lester told me you were ... odd."  
Nick: "Don't put too much faith in anything Lester says."  
Jenny: "I don't see why not. He seems like a very impressive man."  
Nick: "You're right, I probably don't know you."

Jenny: "Where are you going? What am I supposed to do?"  
Nick: "Ah, you'll think of something."

Stephen: "Smells like sh... something rotting."

Stephen: "Tenner says I get there first."  
Nick: "Yeah alright."

Leek: "This is the latest in hi-tech weaponry. There's equipment here that'd made James Bond cry with envy."

Jenny: "Twelve flights in heels. Men."

Cutter: "Watch where you're swinging that thing!"

Cutter: "When I say take the stairs, you take the stairs!"

Nick: "You two took your time."  
Connor: "You ever been to a garden centre on a Friday afternoon?"  
Abby: "It's a madhouse."

Shelley: "What are those things?"  
Nick: "They're worms. They're just a little bit less friendly than the ones in your garden."

Nick: "Are you all right?"  
Connor: "Yeah. Never been swallowed by a giant worm before, but I s'pose it's all a learning experience, isn't it?"

Connor: "Progress. What's the point?"

Jenny: "Let me help. I want to do something."  
Nick: "Okay. I want you to go and bully a few traumatised bystanders, and then I want you to come up with some spin to just smooth all this away."  
Jenny: "You don't approve of me, do you?"  
Nick: "No, I used to think you were really something, but you're not that person."  
Jenny: "Am I supposed to understand that?"  
Nick: "No, I guess not."

Connor: "I can't believe I washed Caroline's number off. Such an idiot."  
Abby: "I know, shame."  
Connor: "She's gonna think I'm too cool to call now."

Abby: "You first."  
[Connor opens door and coughs]  
Abby: "Foggy?"  
Connor: "Bit foggy, yeah."

Abby: "Whoever said men could read maps?"

Jenny: "Now the most sensible thing would be to let Stephen fend for himself."  
Nick: "Yeah. Yeah. You're right. Now are you coming? Or are you gonna stay down here and be sensible?"

Connor: "High five to us."

Connor: "Do you fancy a drink? Like, not a cup of tea, obviously. Like a proper drink. You know, somewhere out there." [gestures to nowhere in particular]

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**Episode 3**

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Warren: "Eat paint, ladies!"

Connor: "Thanks for the coffee. It's really ..." [burns tongue] "Quite hot!"

Nick: "So how's your boyfriend?"  
Jenny: "Fiance. Fine, thanks."

Connor: "I'd like you to meet the Anomaly Detection Device, or the ADD for short. Actually, that's probably not the best acronym is it?"

Jenny: "Have you tried beaming up with it yet?"

Nick: "A big cat just mauled one of your guests to death."  
Peter: "Are you sure? Did you see it?"

Peter: "Keep smiling. And if you say the words 'big cat' out loud again, I'll sue you." [walks away]  
Nick [to Jenny]: "I really wanna kill him."

Connor: "Hang on. What am I supposed to do if I do see something? Talk it to death?"

Peter: "You! You! You shot me! You shot me, look!"  
Connor: "You alright though?"

Peter: "If you'll excuse me, I've got a train to catch. I have to be at head office tonight to try and explain why someone was shooting at our guests." [walks away]  
[Nick and Jenny look at Connor like scolding parents]  
Connor: "It was an accident."

Abby: "She said she'll meet you there."  
Nick: "Why, why? Why is she coming?"  
Abby: "Obviously doesn't trust you with the public."  
Nick: "And why is that funny?"

Nick: "I'm from the ... James Lester Animal Foundation. You've probably heard of us."  
West: "No."  
Nick: "Well, never mind."

Nick: "You're a flirt."  
Jenny: "What?"  
Nick: "You. You were flirting with him."  
Jenny: "I was just being friendly. Your way wasn't exactly working, was it?"  
Nick: "Well no, I don't have the eyelashes for it."

Nick: "Any questions?" [Connor raises hand] "What?"  
Connor: "Can I have a gun?"  
Nick: "Take a wild guess."  
Connor: "No?"  
Nick: "Good guess."

Connor: "You do look really hot through these."  
Abby: "It's infrared, Connor, not X-ray."

Nick: "You're a real piece of work, aren't you?"  
Jenny: "Thank you. I'll take that as a compliment."

Jenny: "You should have shot him though. It's my best coat!"

[Connor carrying West's gun]  
Abby: "Happy now?"  
Connor: "Oh yeah."

Valerie: "So that you can torture him? But, of course, you don't call it that, do you? You call it _research_."

Connor: "Oh no, I can't, I've got a date with Caroline."  
Nick: "Yah? She pretty?"  
Connor: "Yeah."  
Nick: "Bummer."

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**Episode 4**

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Abby: "Do you want something, Caroline?"  
Caroline: "Nothing."  
Abby: "Good."

Abby: "Here's what you can tell her. Stop coming over to my flat every five minutes."  
Connor: "Our flat." [Abby rounds on him] "All right, _your_ flat."

Abby: "Why is she around so much anyway?"  
Connor: "Don't be naive, Abby. You're looking at the reason, aren't ya?"

Jenny: "Oh for heaven's sake! You two argue like a couple of kids over a toy!"

Jenny: "Three months ago, my idea of a life and death issue was getting front row seats at London Fashion Week."

Nick: "If you'll excuse me, I have a hot date with a dead shark."

Lester: "Give me some good news."  
Nick: "We still haven't found the boy."  
Lester: "No, that's bad news. Good news makes people happy. Keep trying."  
Nick: "We found the shark."  
Lester: "Now you are getting the hang of it."

Lester: "So to sum up then, we are looking for a deadly, skin shedding aquatic predator with a neat line in Charlotte Church impressions. Well the marketing possibilities are endless."

Cutter: "Well when have I ever been wrong? Except about women, generally."

Nick: "What does that sound like to you?"  
Connor: "Don't know. Bit like something I once heard in Glastonbury in a chill-out tent."

Nick: "Hey. As petty-minded bureaucrats go, you're the best."

Lucien: "You won't tell my mates, will you?"  
Abby: "Huh?"  
Lucien: "That I'm scared."  
Abby: "But you're not scared. Seriously now, who'd be frightened of a giant tadpole?"

Sub operator: "You'll crash it."  
Stephen: "Sue me."

Nick: "It's just a wall."

Nick: "Lucien, what did it look like?"  
[Creature jumps out of water]  
Lucien: "That!"

Lucien: "Yes! Two points! Who says I can't play?"  
Nick: "Nice shot."

Abby: "There's no point in us both dying. Just let me go."  
Connor: "I can't ... I love you!"

Leek: "Shall I speak to the contractors?"  
Lester: "No, don't worry. I'll get myself a shovel and a cement mixer and do it myself. Yes of course you should speak to the contractors, you idiot."

Abby: "What, you mean those things could be our descendents?"  
Nick: "Yeah, it's possible."  
Abby: "Wow. Didn't fancy yours much."

Abby: "Back there on the other side of the anomaly, you said something."  
Connor: "Yeah. Said a lot of things, didn't I? Mainly 'aaaah'."

* * *

**Episode 5**

**

* * *

**

Taylor: "Wanna go wee-wee on Steve's car? You do? Good girl."

Jenny: "It's all rather dreary, so ..."  
Nick: "So you'd rather be with us?"  
Jenny: "Well, I was gonna say any excuse. So yes, even you."

Jenny: "I'll go get changed."  
Nick: "No there's no time. The anomaly's been open for two hours, maybe longer."  
Jenny: "Right, well, if I break a heel, you're gonna pay." [walks away; Nick and Connor simultaneously rotate chairs to watch her leave]  
Connor: "She looks amazing."  
Nick: "Hm. So does a velociraptor."

Nick: "She. It's a she."  
Jenny: "Right, whatever. Well, _she_ is shedding hair on my new dress."

Stephen: "That thing's not gonna make it through the pipe, let alone the anomaly."  
Connor: "Could we just have a little bit of faith, please? And a little bit of silence. Thank you."

Abby: "Is that my hairdryer?"  
Connor: "... Might be."

Connor: "Now I know what Galileo had to put up with."

Nick: "Now, we've gotta get you out of here."  
Taylor: "You're gonna rescue me?"  
Nick: "Yeah, you have any objections?"  
Taylor: "I was planning my own way back. But now you've gone and messed it all up by making those things angry."  
Nick [to Stephen]: "She's fine, doesn't need any help."  
Taylor: "You can tag along with me, if you want."  
Nick: "Well thanks."

Stephen: "Can't walk on that."  
Taylor: "Derr! Why d'you think I've been sat here?"

Taylor: "I ain't baggage, no one has to carry me."  
Nick: "She ain't baggage."  
Stephen: "Taylor ain't baggage."

Taylor: "I bet there are cameras everywhere."  
Nick: "Yeah, and the public gets to vote which one of us gets eaten first."  
Taylor: "Ah, it's cooler than _Big Brother_."

Connor: "Oh please tell me it's not rats, they really freak me out."  
Abby: "Huh? No. Too many legs for a rat."  
Connor: "How many legs are we talking?"  
Abby: "Plenty."

Chef: "Oi! What are you doing?"  
Connor: [holds up random card] "Uh, Food Standards Agency, hygiene spot-check."  
Chef: "You can't just run through my-"  
Connor: "When was the last time you washed this?" [points to chef's suit then pats chest] "Huh? Think about it." [runs off]

Abby: "What are you doing?"  
Connor: "Just having a bit of a play, ain't I? I'm a massive ball pool fan."  
Abby: "We all love ball pools, Connor. Now's not the time."

Lester: "Daphne and Scrappy will have to take charge of the anomaly operation."  
Connor: "You mean us?"  
Lester: "Unfortunately, yes. God help us."

Taylor: "If you try to pick me up again, I'll bite you."

Taylor: "Would you rather die of thirst or be eaten? I think I'd rather be eaten. Then at least it's quick. Two bites, done. You're like four or five bites, so it'll be worse for you."  
Nick: "Can you not try and be positive for five minutes? You know, hopeful."  
Taylor: "We're probably the best food around. Imagine you're a giant sand thing living on nothing but millipede, then you get to taste people for the first time. All gooey and warm, we'd be like a delicacy. So who do you think they'll eat first?"  
Nick: "Why don't you sing a song or whistle or something? Anything. Just stop talking."

Taylor: "I can hear a train."  
Stephen: "There were no trains in the Silurian."

Stephen: "You absolutely certain that you don't know anything?"  
Nick: "I know one thing. It's not a great idea to run and shout on the sand."  
Stephen: "Good point."

Stephen: [points to fluro underwear] "That don't look right."

Lester: "Well, I better go and soothe your caveman. Let's hope the Palaeolithic was short on ambulance-chasing lawyers."

Jenny: "I thought I was never gonna see you again."  
Nick: "Yeah? Bet you were devastated."  
Jenny: "Inconsolable."

Jenny: "So, can I get changed now?"

* * *

**Episode 6**

**

* * *

**

Abby: "Why hasn't she given him back?"  
Connor: "Maybe she's so crazy about me that she's gonna hold him hostage until I get back together with her."

Stephen: "So what's the secret meeting all about?"  
Connor: "I don't know. It's a secret, innit?"

Ed: "Cavalry's on the way."

Lester: "My worst nightmare in one sentence."  
Jenny: "Mammoth on the M25!"

Nick: "Columbian mammoth."  
Lester: "The flavour is immaterial."  
Leek: "The Columbian was a hairless species, sir."  
Lester: "Look, I don't care if it's shaved its legs and got a bikini wax. It's on a motorway in broad daylight!"

Nick: "And all that with your skirt tucked into your tights. Well done."  
Jenny: "I'm not gonna look. Mammoth. Go."

[Traffic sign reads "Shut up!"]  
Nick: "Tactful."  
Connor: "That's what you said, innit?"

Connor: "What about Dumbo?"

Nick: "We caught a mammoth!"

Mick: "I've seen the pictures. That thing, it's too big to be an elephant."  
Jenny: "D'you know what? You're right. It's actually a mammoth."  
Mick: [laughs] "I could do without the wind-up."  
Jenny: "Then stop asking stupid questions."

Lester: "Why is everyone telling me facts about mammoths today? Do I look interested?"

Stephen: "Do you think what we're doing here is right, keeping all this a secret?"  
Abby: "Yeah, I do. Look at the way we treat animals now, Stephen. Every day a new species disappears. What would people do to creatures they don't understand?"

Stephen: "It's always your way or nothing."  
Nick: "That works for me."

Connor: "I thought a dramatic setting might be appropriate."  
Nick: "Why? Were you hoping for divine intervention?"

Nick: "What kind of girl steals your lizard when you split up?"

Lester: "Leek, you're never gonna make me beg for my life, so let's just end it now."  
Leek: "Alright, if you insist. Goodbye, James."  
Lester: "Oh, one more thing."  
Leek: "Yes?"  
Lester: "You really are a tiresome little man."

Lester: "Good boy. Good mammoth."

Lester: "Ah, I see. First I'm a traitor, now I'm insignificant. You know, you're really gonna hurt my feelings."  
Nick: "No, look, if Leek wanted to kill you, he could have just pushed you down a lift shaft."

Lester: "You know, my kids are really pestering me for a pet. If you can't find a home for him ..."

Nick: "You're still quite cross with me, aren't you?"  
Jenny: "You held a gun to my head."  
Nick: "I set a trap, and you walked into it. I mean, what was I supposed to think?"  
Jenny: "Uh, you could have trusted me."  
Nick: "But I had overwhelming evidence that you were a traitor."  
Jenny: "Your evidence was wrong!"  
Nick [amused]: "I really don't know what you're complaining about. I mean, nobody got hurt, the plan worked ... in a roundabout kind of way."

Abby: "Hack into them regularly, do ya?"  
Connor: "Oh yeah. You'd be amazed how much Lester gets paid."  
Abby: "What's my middle name?"  
Connor: "Sarah ... You told me that once, though, right?"  
Abby: "No ... Keep out of my personal information, Connor."

Nick: "Which wire do I cut?"  
Connor: "Red one. Always the red one."  
[All red wires]

Nick: "Count slower!"

Nick: "Never a dull moment."

Lester: "There's no chance you're making a mistake?"  
Connor: "I don't do mistakes ... often. Not in this case."

Jenny: "Oi, Connor, that's illegal use of government property ... I'm not looking."

* * *

**Episode 7**

**

* * *

**

Jenny: "Couldn't very well tell him it wasn't another man, so much as a somethingosaurus."

Nick: "Yeah, Leek doesn't have the wit to do this on his own."  
Leek: "He's seen what I can do and yet he still belittles me."  
Helen: "It's your own fault, Oliver. You're too good at being insignificant."

Leek: "You see, people like me and you, we don't get the pretty girls, Connor. We're the nerds, the losers, the uncool."  
Connor: "Speak for yourself. I do alright with women. What? I do. I'm just ... I'm choosy."

Caroline: "Thanks Connor."  
Connor: "I didn't do it for you."

Nick: "Bombs aren't Helen's style."  
Jenny: "But hostage taking is?"

Nick: "No. I don't want to change the world, Helen. I happen to think it's rather beautiful just the way it is."

Jenny [to Caroline]: "Oh stop snivelling, for goodness sake."

Abby: "Well, couldn't you tell she was faking it?" [awkward silence] "... Never mind."

Abby: "He has to decide if I'm dangerous."  
Jenny: "Then what?"  
Abby: "Then he eats me."

Helen: "I heard what you said in the cell. I know you still love me."  
Nick: "Don't flatter yourself. I said exactly what you wanted to hear."  
Helen: "You knew the cell was bugged?"  
Nick: "I thought it might be Leek's style, so I thought I'd put on a little performance just in case. Oh, I'm sorry, honey, I didn't mean it."  
Helen: "I don't believe you."  
Nick: "I don't care. Now get in front of me before I shoot you."

Connor: "We need to hit it."  
Jenny: "What?"  
Connor: "Hit it!" [slap, slap]  
Jenny: "No, wait wait wait!" [stabs it with high heel]

Jenny: [steals gun] "I'll take that, thank you. Alright, come on."

Nick: "I've had enough of this."

Connor: "Where'd you learn to shoot like that?"  
Jenny: "Most of my friends like Pony Club. I prefer clay pigeons."

Leek: "Lester will soon know where I am, but I have you, and I don't think he'll attack me."  
Nick: "I wouldn't bet on that."

Lester: "Now if you don't mind, I think there's some snooker on the other channel."

Stephen: "Sorry mate, I'm doing this one."

* * *

**Trivia**

**

* * *

**

On the date of Stephen's funeral, the anomaly operation had been operating for only ten and a half months (18/05/06 – 04/03/07) instead of the typical fanon assumption of two years.

_If you want to share a piece of your own trivia from season two, say so and I'll add it with your name._


	4. Season three

**Author's Note**

I know! I'm sorry! *ducks* Don't kill me! I apologise for the ridiculously long update.  
Some text in this chapter may be a bit dodgy because I had to watch this season on my TV which cuts off the subtitles.

This is totally irrelevant to the story, but can people _please_ watch the video linked on my profile page and redistribute it.  
It was on air for 20 years then got taken off just recently and I want as many people as possible to watch it. It may well save your life.

* * *

**Episode 1**

**

* * *

**

Becker: "I have extensive experience in dinosaur handling, sir. I assumed that was why I was picked for the job."  
Lester: "I take it that's some sort of joke?"  
Becker: "Yes, sir."  
Lester: "A lot of people are skeptical when they first join us, Becker. They don't stay that way for long. And in future, I'll do the jokes."

Lester: "You'll be dealing with a highly strung and temperamental team of rank amateurs who just happen to be brilliant at what they do."

Lester: "Oh, by the way, Professor Cutter won't like you and will go out of his way to make your job as difficult as possible. Try not to take it personally."

Sarah: "Marion."  
Marion: "Whatever you want, the answer's no."  
Sarah: "That jacket is gorgeous. Is it new?"

Jenny: "But we can't change the past."  
Nick: "Yeah. You don't know the half of it, Claudia Brown."

Abby: [throws salad onto sleeping Connor] "We got to move, I need some help, Rex. Rex." [nods toward Connor's loft] "Breakfast."

Nick: "Connor Temple, Abby Maitland, this is Captain Becker. He's here to protect us so do as he says ... Unless I think he's wrong."

Connor: "You know when I was a kid I used to think that all the exhibits came to life at night. When I was about, um, eight, I decided to stay behind one night and find out."  
Abby: "Hm. What happened?"  
Connor: "Nothing, really. Apart from the fact that I got locked in the toilet for three hours." [Abby laughs] "It's not funny. When they found me I was hysterical. Had a problem with museums ever since."  
Abby: "Shouldn't you have a problem with toilets?"  
Connor: "Got over that."

Nick: "No. Actually, I'm a professor."  
Sarah: "I've never seen a professor with a gun before."  
Nick: "Yeah, it's a pretty specialised field."

Jenny: "I've got to get back to the ARC."  
Sarah: "The ark!"  
Connor: "Not that one."

Connor: "I bet I can read your mind. You wanna know who we are, what the ARC is, and what the big flickering thing is behind me, right?"  
Sarah: "Actually, um, I was wondering why an Egyptian demon was trying to eat me."

Christine: "I need to meet with you for briefing. How does this morning sound?"  
Lester: "Like irritatingly bad timing."

Jenny: "We've got a problem."  
Lester: "So have I. It's called Christine Johnson. Think velociraptor only better dressed."

Lester: "Well can't you look its picture up in your big book of dinosaurs?"

Jenny: "There was a witness. A young woman from the museum."  
Lester: "Well, you know, have her shot and dispose of the body discreetly." [walks out, calls after] "Just kidding!"

Connor: "I didn't do it."  
Sarah: "So it just, it fell off by itself?"  
Connor: "Yep."

Sarah: "The sun cage is cursed. Anyone who touches it is, is doomed for life."  
Connor: [drops fragment] "Really?"  
Sarah: "Marion was the last person to touch that."  
Connor: [wiping hand on shirt] "The dead one?"  
Sarah: "I should've told you that earlier, right? Sorry about that, bad luck."  
Becker: "Bad luck."  
[Connor sits down and knocks over a vase, breaking it. Sarah sighs.]

Becker: "Tell them I'm on my way."  
Connor: "Action man said he's coming."

Sarah: "Hey, ah, whatsyaname?"  
Connor: "Connor, my name's… Connor."

Connor: "Hey whatever you do, don't pull that trigger!"

Connor: "You nearly let it eat me!"  
Sarah: "That, that cat, it's priceless."  
Connor: "So am I."

Christine: "I can't tell you how much I admire your work."  
Lester: "Can't you? Oh go on, give it a go."

Sarah: "What about the forklift?"  
Connor: "Forklift? Why didn't you say that before?"  
Sarah: "Connor, I've been attacked by prehistoric monsters, I'm staring at a gateway to a distant past. I really wasn't thinking _forklift_!"

Jenny: "Ladies and gentlemen, if you'd just follow me. I promise you there's nothing to worry about. You know how these charity fun-runs can go way out of control."

Abby: "Are you okay?"  
Nick [hanging off building]: "Yeah, just enjoying the view!"

Connor: "I am _so_ cursed."

Becker: "I'm not _bowing_."

Connor: "That's got to be the end of the curse now, right?"  
Sarah: "Here's hoping."  
Abby: "The curse?"  
Sarah: "I made it up."  
Abby: "Don't tell him yet."  
Sarah: "'Course not."

Connor: "You know what? I think Stephen might've liked this one."  
Nick: "I think he might've liked our Doctor Page even better."

Lester: "Please tell me you got that bad-tempered reptile back in its box?"

Sarah: "This is a government facility?"  
Lester: "What did you think it was, the circus?"

Lester: "Now you're giving lectures to kiddies at the museum. How did that happen?"  
Sarah: "Just not very good at taking orders."  
Lester: "You'll fit right in then."

[Nick walks past, giving Sarah a beer] "Might need that."

Sarah [about Lester]: "Is he always that rude?"  
Connor: "By his standards, he's actually being pretty nice."

Sarah: "Okay. I'm in."  
Lester [sarcastic]: "Great news! I feel safer already."

* * *

**Episode 2**

**

* * *

**

Connor: "I love this thing." [starts playing with Matrix]  
Nick: "Connor, if you touch that you could be changing the entire destiny of the universe."  
Connor: "I'm not gonna touch it, I'm just gonna ..."

Jenny: "Call me stupid but, um, couldn't we have done all this on a computer?"  
Nick: "This way it's more tangible."  
Connor: "Makes him feel more like God, you know with the creation thing."

Nick: "I want you to go and check it out, and take..." [looks at Connor and Abby] "Sid and Nancy with you."

Sarah: "Help, I've been taken hostage by an obsessive scientist."  
Connor: "Welcome to our world."

Connor: "Then what? We just sit, twiddling our thumbs until an anomaly appears?"  
Jenny: "Yeah, something like that."  
Connor: "Hold me back. I don't think I can take the excitement."

Abby: "This place must be worth millions. Why's it just been left?"  
Connor: "The smell, maybe?"

Jenny: "Abby, have you ... have you ever been attracted to somebody that you don't even like?"  
Abby: "Ha! I fall for the wrong men all the time. One thing I do know, if you're interested, don't bother waiting for the man to make the first move 'cause you could die of old age before anything happens."  
Jenny: "You gonna take your own advice?"  
Abby: "Hm, thinking about it."

Connor: "That was childish."  
Abby: "Were you scared?"  
Connor: "No ... little bit, yeah ... Thought you were in trouble, didn't I?"  
Abby: "Yeah. And you came to rescue me. Thank you." [kisses Connor on the cheek] "Do you know I like this place, it's _fun_."

Jenny [sarcastic]: "Well that was eventful."

Jenny: "Do we look like burglars to you?"  
Danny: "Well I'm pretty sure I've seen laughing boy on a wanted poster, yeah."  
Connor: [stops laughing] "He talking about me?"

Danny: "I should arrest you all, but to be quite frank I can't be bothered. You people aren't worth the paperwork."

Connor: "Do you know what? Can I just say that I think the police do a fantastic job, and you know, the occasional lapse into cliché is completely understandable in the circumstances."

Nick: "I know this man. That's impossible."  
Becker: "What?"  
Nick: "Because I watched him die in the Silurian desert millions of years ago."  
[Becker raises eyebrow]

Agent: "Oh, you're interested?"  
Connor: "Uh, yeah. Yeah yeah, we're looking, aren't we darling?" [puts arm around Jenny and gets elbowed]

Connor [on merry-go-round horse]: "Always fancied this job."

Sarah: "Cutter, this guy was eaten by a giant scorpion in the Silurian desert. I'd say that makes him fairly dead."  
Nick: "I didn't say it makes sense."  
Becker: "Alright, it's his identical twin."  
Nick: "What's he doing here then, going through my laundry?"  
Becker: "You killed his brother, so he steals your shirt."

Emily: "No, you can't go inside!"  
Connor: "I won't tell anybody if you don't."

Connor: "This is a blatant miscarriage of justice. I demand _habeas corpus_ ... I'd want it if I actually knew what it means ... I know my rights."  
Danny: "Name them."  
Connor: "You what?"  
Danny: "Name them."  
Connor: [groans and tries to think] "Phone call! Come on, I get a phone call!"  
Danny: "Good lad."  
Connor: "Yeah, and, and, the right to remain silent!"  
Danny: "Well you've lost that one, haven't you?"  
Connor: "What is this, eh? A police stake? You can't just take people's rights away without ... asking 'em first." [Danny slides window up] "You're not funny!"

Connor: "Oh my God. Thank you so much. Come here." [hugs Jenny] "So nice to see a friendly face, it's been horrible. I've been going stir crazy in there!"  
Jenny: "Connor, you've only been there for a few hours."  
Connor: "Alright, so I'm not Nelson Mandela. Doesn't mean I haven't suffered, does it?"

Connor: "Do you think I'm entitled to compensation?"

Jenny: "After you."  
Connor: "Thanks very much."

Danny: "Anti-stab vest. Standard police issue."  
Connor: "I have so got to get one of them."

Danny: "I thought it was you."  
Ryan: "Yeah, I got that."

Connor: "Just phoned Cutter. Told him he was right about his prediction."  
Jenny: "What did he say?"  
Connor: "Well his words exactly, something like [imitates accent] _'Course I was right_."

Danny: "Look, we both know I wasn't right for this job. Besides, gives you a chance to be divisional champion."

* * *

**Episode 3**

**

* * *

**

Lester: "You know I've always liked modern art, so uncompromising."  
Nick: "It's a very complex model of the exact locations and dates-"  
Lester: "Of anomaly appearances throughout recorded history, yes I know."  
Nick: "Just _don't touch it_."

Lester: "You sure the intruder was her doing?"  
Nick: "Well I can't think of anybody else who can create an exact replica of a dead man."

Katherine: "I can't run a worldwide media story based on pure speculation."  
Mick: "You do it all the time."  
Katherine: "So the mammoth on the M25 didn't come to much, did it? We can say what we like about footballers and politicians, it's nearly always true, but dinosaurs are different."

Jenny: "Haven't you got a drunken pop star to harass?"

Nick: "Teeth marks."  
Abby: "Hyperactive termites?"

Melanie: "I don't know, a ratty chipmunk beaver kind of thing."  
Connor: "Well that narrows it down."

Jenny: "What do you think about Cutter?"  
Sarah: "Um, Cutter, I think he's, uh, he's a great guy." [notices Jenny's expression] "Oh. You mean what do I _think_ of Cutter. Okay, um, I _think_ that he is, um, pretty hot, in an emotionally toxic 'don't come near me, I'm a romantic disaster' kind of way."  
Jenny: "Just my type then."  
Sarah: "Is there something going on between the two of you?"  
Jenny: "It's complicated." [Sarah raises eyebrows] "Apparently he used to like some girl that looked like me, well, according to him actually _was_ me, just living in a different evolutionary timeline, so now I don't know if he likes her or me or the version of her in me or whether in fact it's just the same thing."  
Sarah: "No baggage, then."

Nick: "You are an electrician's nightmare." [Diictodons start tussling]  
Abby: "Come on, that's cute."

Becker: "I'm a trained soldier, I can find my way around a hospital."

Lester: "What're you doing here?"  
Nick clone: "I work here."  
Lester: "Yes but what're you doing here now?"  
Nick clone: "I work here."  
Lester: "You feeling alright?"  
Nick clone: "Yes."  
Lester: "You don't seem quite yourself."  
Nick clone: "I'm Professor Nick Cutter."  
Lester: "Strangely enough, I hadn't actually forgotten that."

Lester: "Memo to self, arrange regular mental health check-ups for all staff."

Becker: "How difficult can it be to find an operating theatre in a hospital?"  
Connor: "What was that you were saying about being a trained soldier?"

Nick: "This woman is a trained health professional."  
Melanie: "She doesn't look like a nurse."  
Nick: "Nope, she's not, she's a zookeeper."  
Melanie: "What?"  
Nick: "Abby, how many babies have you delivered?"  
Abby: "Dozens."  
Melanie: "What kind of babies?"  
Abby: "Zebras, lions, antelope ... and I delivered a giraffe once."  
Nick: "So you see, now don't worry, the principle's exactly the same, only hopefully your baby will have a shorter neck."

Becker: "Oh fantastic, now he's Dr Dolittle."

Melanie: "What's going on?"  
Nick: "Don't worry, it's just the drugs."  
Melanie "I haven't had any drugs!"

Lester: "Have you noticed anything strange about Cutter recently?"  
Jenny: "How long have you got?"

Lester: "You are so fired."  
Helen: "Don't kill him yet."  
Lester: "Yet? Hm."

Katherine: "Brilliant! Tell them to hold the front page."  
Mick: "Really?"  
Katherine: "No, not really. You bring me a blurry photo of a gopher with some comedy plastic teeth and you call this evidence? A child of ten could have faked that."

Lester: "Two versions of Cutter? Sounds like some kind of nightmare."

Helen: "Tell me."  
Nick: "No. You can go to hell."

Becker: "I can handle this, Temple!"  
Connor: "I can't!"

Lester: [punches clone out] "Insurance." [combs back hair]

Nick clone: "I don't know what death is."  
Nick: "Trust me, life's better."

Nick: "You really know how to pick your moments, don't you?"

Nick: "You know what, Helen, you're not as smart as I thought you were."

* * *

**Episode 4**

**

* * *

**

Lester: "Don't expect a pay rise. I could probably swing you a parking space. Keep things calm, controlled and if you manage, slightly dull."

Connor: "If you two are gonna hug can you do it later 'cause there's an anomaly in here somewhere."

Katherine: "For what?"  
Mick: "No idea."  
Katherine: "How incisive."

Katherine: "Mick, you realise you're sounding a little mad."  
Mick: "I know."  
Katherine: "I don't employ mad people."  
Mick: "What are you talking about? Half your journalists are clinically insane."  
Katherine: "Yeah but they don't bring me stories about dinosaurs."

Jenny: "I can't believe I let myself get taken in by that reptile of a journalist."  
Connor: "He's pretty good though, you know, as reptile journalists go. He had me."

[Connor vs door]  
Jenny: "What are you doing?"  
Connor: "Door's solid. We're not getting through there."  
[Jenny rolls eyes and walks away]

Jenny: "What are you doing here?"  
Danny: "Saving your bacon."

Danny: "Door's jammed. Go around the other side."  
Jenny: "Oi, I give the orders around here ... Connor, around the other side."

Lester: "Get me Christine Johnson. I don't care if she's in a meeting, on holiday or just been struck by lightning, get her for me _now_."

Lester: "I saw your suggestions for Cutter's replacement. One thing in common, military uniforms. You, uh, got a little bit of a thing for them?"

Danny: "Just a little thing, but did anyone think about closing the doors?"  
Jenny: "Right, that's it. Arrest him."

Mick: "Our exclusive is heading towards the runway."

Becker: "The biker, he's gone."  
Jenny: "His name's Danny Quinn, but right now I'm a bit more concerned about a T-Rex running wild on an airfield!"

Pilot: "Now there's something you don't see every day."

Jenny: "Will you please identify yourself."  
Danny: "Uh, bear with me a sec. Give me a moment."  
Jenny: "Danny! Do you have the first idea what you're doing up there?"  
Danny: "Look, don't worry. I'm an experienced pilot."  
Jenny: "How experienced?"  
Danny: "Uh, two lessons. But they went unbelievably well."  
Jenny: "... Alright. What's the plan?"  
Danny: "Well, to be honest, I'm pretty much making it up as I go along."

Becker: "What sort of lunatic is he?"

Becker: "Ow, Connor, that's my-"

Jenny: "So what did you do with the helicopter?"  
Danny: "I'll just nip back and get it, shall I?"

Jenny: "Thank you. You saved peoples' lives today."  
Danny: "Don't worry about it."  
Jenny: "Now I'm going to have to arrest you."  
Danny: "Well we all have our own unique way of showing appreciation."

Becker: "What do you want me to do with our kamikaze pilot?"

Jenny: "How's the head?"  
Connor: "Dunno ... Might have knocked some sense into me."

Abby: "Would you just put some clothes on, _please_?"  
Jack: "Relax, I couldn't find any conditioner."

Jenny: "Calm, controlled and slightly dull. Just like you asked for. Except for that G-Rex, of course."  
Lester: "Ah, minor detail."

Lester: "You think the creatures are frightening, Jenny, you should try the civil service."

* * *

**Episode 5**

**

* * *

**

Lester: "I know some of the creatures can be frightening but, um, surely this many pairs of underpants is overdoing it."

Becker: "Got an intruder in sector seven. No identification as yet."  
Connor: "Was it small and ugly in a kind of cute way? ... Just a guess."

Jenny: "I don't believe it!"  
Danny: "You've really got to do something about your security."

Lester: "What the hell are you doing here?"  
Danny: "It's my life's ambition to fight dinosaurs and save the world."

Jenny: "I warned you to stay away from this, Danny."  
Danny: "See, I thought you were flirting. It's so difficult to read women these days."  
Lester: "Can you pistol whip him?"  
Becker: "Sir?"  
Lester: "Just a thought."

Abby: "That was your cue to tell me how clever I am."  
Connor: "You're brilliant."

Abby: "This is a climate-controlled lab, Connor, you can't just treat it like some pets adventure playground."  
Connor: "I know but you just try looking after him for one day. It's like _Prison Break_ with beavers."

Connor: "Le Connor Temple."  
Danny: "What?"  
Connor: "Connor Temple, that's ... I invented it."

Lester: "At the risk of sounding like someone from the Old Testament, is there any _sane_ reason why you're keeping animals in the ARC?"

Lester: "Tell the chuckle brothers not to touch anything."

Sarah: "And why would I trust you, Danny?"  
Danny: "Because if I was gonna cause trouble I'd've done it a long time ago. And I've got an honest face."

Lester: "Well this could be tricky to explain to the next of kin. Good news, he's not technically dead. Bad news, he's turned into a mushroom."

Lester: "Go on, what's our plan B?" [gets blank stares] "You know, just once. Just once would be nice."

Lester: "Oh yes, that's a great idea. Let's send the criminal out on the city streets with a flamethrower."

Lester: "Fantastic. I've been here five minutes and I've already got a mutiny on my hands. Do you know how to use that thing?"  
Danny: "Well no, but I mean how hard can it be?"  
Lester: "Right. He goes. You two geniuses stay here."  
Connor: "You're kidding! I so wanted to fire this."  
Lester: "Find a way to stop this thing before it infects anyone else. I don't want anymore fungus or bogey men."

Jenny: "Well Danny's on his way down with flamethrowers."  
Abby: "Danny?"  
Jenny: "He volunteered."  
Abby: "Hm. He's keen."  
Jenny: "Yeah, that's one way of putting it."

Danny: "So look, we corner it and then we grill it, right?"  
Abby: "Isn't that cruel?"  
Danny: "What?"  
Abby: "Well, that thing was a man not long ago. Suppose he's still in there somewhere?"  
Danny: "Okay, so ... we ask it nicely, and _then_ we grill it. Right?"  
Abby: "Thank you."

Jenny: "Then what?"  
Danny: "I'll get back to you." [runs off]  
Abby: "For a minute I thought he knew what he was doing."

Lester: "Just keep it busy until the freezer truck arrives."  
Danny: "What d'you suggest we do? Give it the Financial Times to read while we're waiting?"

Jenny: "He's really overdoing the alpha male bit, isn't he?" [van reverses] "Something's wrong."  
Danny: "No sat nav. Show us the way to the ARC."

Danny: "Hope someone's paid the congestion charge."  
Jenny: "You're actually enjoying yourself, aren't you?"

[phone rings]  
Danny: "Please tell me this is someone with a plan."

Connor: "Whatever you do, don't let it touch ya."  
Danny: "I wasn't thinking of shaking hands with it."

Jenny: "You can let go of my hand now."

Lester: "You know I'll never look at athlete's foot the same way again."

Danny: "Uh, Guv, what's the pay?"  
Lester: "Next to nothing."  
Danny: "Seems fair."  
Lester: "Try not to make a complete dog's breakfast of this, will you?"

Jenny: "Danny, I _died_ today. I think I should probably quit while I'm ahead."

Danny: "You can try to forget them, Jenny, but you never will."

Lester: "And, um, Connor."  
Connor: "Yes?"  
Lester: "Put some trousers on."

* * *

**Episode 6**

**

* * *

**

Becker: "Bang!"

Connor: "What's this do-"  
Lester: "Please don't touch anything. I don't want you changing my settings."  
Connor: "Sorry. Y'know-" [Lester shoves Connor's head down] "What you doing?"  
Lester: [waves to guard walking past] "I've got my image to think about. I'm senior management, you're ... whatever it is you are." [lets Connor up] "It's okay, I don't think he saw us."  
Connor: "We're flat mates, why can't he see us?"  
Lester: "We are _not_ flatmates. If I ever find your socks in the break maker again, you're fired."  
Connor: "Just keeping 'em warm."

Lester: "These papers were classified!"  
Connor: "Probably gonna shred 'em anyway, then?"

Sarah: "You have found it, you got it. You are a genius!"  
Connor: "I know ... what've I done?"

Connor: "You'd think they'd leave the instruction manual in the box, wouldn't you?"

Connor: "Angle, okay. Uh ... See anything?"  
Sarah: "Nope."  
Connor: "What about now?"  
Sarah: "Nope."  
Connor: "What about now?"  
Sarah: "It's not working."  
Connor: "What about now?"

Connor: "Whatever we did we have to do it again."  
Sarah: "Okay. What did you do?"  
Connor: "... Not a hundred per cent sure."

Becker: "Satisfied there was no serious breach of security."  
Lester: "Excellent. A new definition of serious. You let him _abseil down the ventilation shaft_."

Danny: "Smile, boys. We're on TV."

Danny: "So mate, with fuel injection, it's rather like an osmosis; it's the passing of a solvent through semi-permeable membranes for quick moving, correct?"

Danny: "Hold on tight, this can get a bit lively."

Christine: "Tell me where they've gone."  
Lester: "No idea. You know what freelance staff are like. Always popping in and out."

Jack: "Yeah, very rare. Just like this hand."

Danny: "The only part of being a copper I enjoyed."

Connor: "Gonna be like Christmas at me Gran's. Please, God, nobody mention charades."

Abby: "We haven't got any food."  
Danny: [pulls out pocketful of lollies] "Well, ah, found them in the car."

Danny: "That Lafite was worth one thousand pound a bottle!"  
Connor: "It was corked anyway!"

Connor: "Well what you doing up there?"  
Danny: "What do you think I'm doing up here?"  
Connor: "I dunno. Kinda why I asked."

Connor: "So what d'you want me to do?"  
Danny: "You just stay down there and look tasty."  
Connor: "You what?"  
Danny: [drops noose] "You're the bait."

Connor: "Are you sure this is gonna work?"  
Danny: "How can it fail?"  
Connor: "Only in about a hundred different ways."

Sarah: "How was your hopscotch at school?"

Connor: "Looks like tea break's over."

Connor: "Over here! I'm so much more tastier than him!"

Danny: "Anyone got a belt? These trousers are a nightmare."

Danny: "Like a good little soldier boy."

Sarah: [kisses Becker's cheek] "You are my hero."  
Lester: "And mine. Don't expect any kisses from me.

* * *

**Episode 7**

**

* * *

**

Abby: "I am gonna kill Jack."  
Connor: "Really? That's a good idea. Any particular reason?"

Connor: "You had no right to use Rex to pay off your gambling debt. What d'you think student loans are for?"

Danny: "Anyone else?"  
Connor: "Eh?"  
Danny: "Well, we've got a dragon, a knight in shining armour. Damsel in distress would be nice."

Danny: "I was paraphrasing."

William: "You are demons and I am in hell."  
Connor: "Technically it's London. But, you know, it's an easy mistake to make."

William: "Peasants."

Abby: "Well, that's your department."  
Becker: "Oh? Dinosaur transportation? Yeah, yeah, why not."

Barman: "Nice costume. Recycled, is it?"

William: "Satan."  
Barman: "Nah, his name's Brian, actually."

Danny: "What's that up there?" [ineffectively punches Sir William] "Er, that's just made you cross, hasn't it?"

Boy: "Where are you from?"  
Sarah: "Well, I'm from a place that's very very far away."  
Boy: "The holy land?"  
Sarah: "Bit further than that."

Danny: "We should split up."  
Connor: "Split up? I'm not splitting up. Have you not seen horror films?"

Sarah: "I can't hear you, Danny."  
Danny: "Sarah, do not hang up-"  
Sarah: "You're breaking up. Oh. Shame."

Jack: "Abby's gonna kill me."  
Connor: "Yeah, really? She'll have to join the queue."

William: "You are an infernal imp sent to torment my soul."  
Danny: "You sound just like my mother."

Sarah: "He said, 'I depart in peace.'"  
Danny: "It was more like, 'I leave you in peace.' Oh yeah."

Danny: "Amazing. It's almost like you were there."  
Sarah: "Well I did tell you I was very good, didn't I?"

Connor: "You can't keep him, you know. I mean for one thing, I don't think he'd fit in the flat."  
Abby: "I wasn't going to. Well, not forever."

Connor: "I've come for the lizard."  
Tony: "Cost you three grand."  
Connor: "How about you bring him to me, or I'll come in and get him."  
Tony: "Yeah? You and whose army?"  
Connor: [steps back to reveal Becker and two soldiers] "Mine, actually."  
Tony: "You better come in."  
Connor: "Thank you."

* * *

**Episode 8**

**

* * *

**

Sarah: "Was that really necessary?"  
Danny: "My car, my rules."  
Connor: "I hate it when you pull rank."  
Becker: "Yeah, well I hate sitting in the back."  
Connor: "Well you sat in the front last time."  
Becker: "Who keeps count?"  
Abby: "Connor does."

Sarah: "What kind of creature?"  
Danny: "One that secretes goo. Ugh."  
Sarah: "Right. That's reassuring."

Danny: "You know, in most fights with ants I fancy my chances, but this, this is a _serious_ ant."

Sarah: "Really?" [locks anomaly] "There you go."  
Connor: "Beginner's luck."

Connor: "Me? Terrified of being trapped in a shopping centre with brain eating zombies." [makes zombie noise and brain-eating gesture] "Imagine."  
Sarah: "But that's unlikely to happen, isn't it Connor?"  
Connor: "I'm trying to work with you, woman. Help me out."

Jack: "Weird looking phone."  
Abby: "It's a sat nav. For work."  
Jack: "Right. So you can get from the penguins to the puffins without getting lost?"  
Abby: "Yeah, yeah, something like that."

Connor: "Bluff your way in Mandarin?"  
Lester: "I'm going to a private reception with the Chinese ambassador."  
Connor: "Cool. Can I be your plus one?" [Lester glares at him] "I'll take that as a no. I wouldn't know what to eat anyway. Not unless the numbers were down the side of the menu."

Connor: "What do you think?"  
Danny: "Fantastic. What is it?"

Danny: "Is that it?"  
Connor: "That's it."  
Danny: "It's actually quite boring."

Connor: "Here are our options. We try make a run for it and they tear us to bits. Or we hold out here as long as we can and they tear us to bits ... Never said they were good options."

Danny: "Does that hurt? Heh heh heh."

Jack: "Abby, what just happened?"  
Abby: "If I told you, Becker would have to kill you and he's already looking for an excuse."

Connor: "Why ya staring at me?"  
Abby: "Jack told me what you did."  
Connor: "Whatever it is, there's a reasonable explanation for it."

* * *

**Episode 9**

**

* * *

**

Danny: "Sorry sir, you're breaking up."  
Lester: "Don't do anything I'll regret."

Abby: "I just don't want things to be weird between us."  
Connor: "Absolutely. Me neither. Or any sort of weirdness ... [in weird voice] No weird areas here ... I'm being weird, aren't I?"

Connor: "Sausage, anyone?"

Joe: "Wait a minute. You're not the stripper, are you?"  
Abby: "Do you want to get out of here alive or not?"

Abby: "Do I look like a stripper?"  
Joe: "Well ..."  
Abby: "Don't answer that."

Sarah: "What you been doing in there?"  
Abby: "Never mind."  
Sarah: "_Oh_."  
Abby: "_No_."

Eve: "You're going to hit it!"  
Danny: [hits creature] "That's the general idea. C'mon, ladies!"

Eve: "Are you insane?"  
Danny: "Depends who you ask."

Lester: "Christine. I'd like to say it was always a pleasure but that would be a bad-faced lie."

Danny: "You're really gonna have to work on your small talk."

Lester: "She's downstairs, isn't she? Nice work. Subtle."

Helen: "You're playing games with her life, James."  
Lester: "Oh, go ahead. Shoot her. Perfectly fine with me."  
Christine: "That is not funny."  
Lester: "Depends where you're standing."

Lester: "Can't let her kill Christine. Contravenes Health and Safety."

Helen: "You haven't worked it out yet? I'm surprised. I thought you were supposed to be intelligent."

Abby: "What are we gonna do?"  
Danny: "Follow Helen, wherever she goes. To the end of time if necessary."

* * *

**Episode 10**

**

* * *

**

Becker: "And if you don't want your eardrums to burst, I suggest you keep your mouth open."  
Abby: "That won't be difficult for Connor."

Connor: "This stinks. Why would Helen come here? If it was me, I'd just find some nice little Jurassic beach somewhere."

Connor: "Becker is really not gonna be happy with you."  
Danny: "Why?"  
Connor: "That was his favourite gun."  
Danny: "We gotta get him a girlfriend."

Helen: "Who's going to stop me? You and Barbie?"

Danny: "You know, Helen, you're in dire need of some serious therapy."

Connor: "Spinosaurus, allosaurus, albertosaurus, abrosaurus."  
Danny: "Oh good."

Danny: "Any ideas?" [throws stick at raptors]  
Connor: "We could, uh, appeal to their better nature?"  
Abby: "I don't know if they've got one."

Connor: "Why dontcha pick on someone your own... species."

Danny: "Good boy."

Connor: "Are you wearing a bikini?"

* * *

**Trivia**

**

* * *

**

When Nick went through the Forest of Dean anomaly (causing Claudia's disappearance) and when he went back into the burning ARC for Helen (causing his death), Claudia and Jenny both said beforehand, "Don't go, this is a mistake."

Lester and Danny both said, "Good boy," to the creatures that saved their lives (the mammoth and the raptor).

If Douglas Henshall had not left the show, there is a chance the producers would have made Stephen clones instead of creepy cleaner dude clones.

_If you want to share a piece of your own trivia from season three, say so and I'll add it with your name._


	5. Season four

**Webisodes**

* * *

Lester: "Oh, you didn't know her. Lucky you. Nasty woman, wore a lot of khaki."

Jess: "Insecure much?"  
Becker: "Excuse me?"  
Jess: "It's nothing but if you're gonna put the brakes on this guy for being too good, that would be pretty lame."

Jess: "Anyone would think you didn't want your boss to be better than you are."  
Becker: "Ah. Oh I see, you're making fun of me."  
Jess: "Totally. Just checking to see if you smile, and you do, which means so far way better company than a mammoth."

Gideon: "What about your second in command?"  
Matt: "Becker? He likes guns."  
Gideon: "That's all you picked up about him?"  
Matt: "He really likes guns."

* * *

**Episode 1**

**

* * *

**

Jess: "Nice dragon! Down, boy. Sit."

Lester: "Right. So there was nowhere else it could go?"  
Matt: "I was improvising."

Connor: "You're getting sloppy."  
Abby: "Yeah well, I have to let you win every now and then."

Abby: "I can take you any time I like."

Abby: "Keep still or I'll have your ear off."

Connor: "You know, when we do get home, I'm gonna write a cookbook. A thousand and one ways to cook roots and bulbs. I could be like your Cretaceous celebrity chef."

Lester: "You know I could have been ambassador to Moscow by now. Maybe even cabin secretary. Instead I'm watching a dinosaur trash my office. Still, no regrets."

Jess: "Don't you think you should help him?"  
Matt: "Where would be the fun in that?"

Becker: "I'll have, uh, Sleeping Beauty moved to the menagerie."

Becker: "Oh yes, the toy guns."

Jess: "Will you stop being such a pair of kids?"  
Matt: "He started it."

Matt: "It's okay, he'll live... probably."

Matt: "Are you absolutely sold on using EMDs? Cause you know, I could always shoot you again."

Becker: "How long until this wears off?"  
Matt: "Burning, couple of hours. Headaches, couple of days. The humiliation, well, that kind of depends on when I get bored of it, really."

Matt: "You're not gonna hug me now, are you?"  
Becker: "God no."

Lester: "Jess, I need you to hack into Philip's private diary. Next time he has lunch with the Minister, I want to know about it."  
Jess: "No private hacking."  
Lester: "Excuse me, whatever happened to blind obedience?"

Abby: "Take the battery out and shake it or something."  
Connor: "Oh for-"  
Abby: "Well whatever the equivalent is then. Always worked on the TV remote."

Becker: "I hope you brought me back a souvenir."

Becker: "Where the hell have you been?"  
Connor: "You know, here and there. We woulda called but the reception was terrible."

Becker: "And you, get a haircut."

Connor: "Ah, this is Connor Temple. Sorry about nicking your car."  
Jess: "Don't scratch the paintwork."

Jess: "I repeat, lead it to the arena."  
Connor: "The arena, right, cool. Um, what arena? Where the hell's the arena?"

Lester: "Why aren't they back yet? Are they okay?"  
Jess: "They've stolen a car."  
Lester: "Right, so they're fine."

Lester: "Here, let me speak to them."  
Jess: [slaps Lester's hand] "Hands off. Those are my controls."  
Lester: "You can be replaced, you know."  
Jess: [laughs] "You're hilarious."

Matt: "Does he do this kind of thing often?"  
Becker: "Yeah, every now and again."

Connor: "You don't know anywhere I can buy a decent cappuccino, do ya?"

Lester: "Don't tell me, you missed the last bus home and had to walk?"  
Connor: "Something like that."

Jess: "Becker's told me everything. You guys are like legends around here."  
Connor: "Cheers, mate."  
Becker: "Whatever, I thought you were dead."

Connor: "Wow, yeah! He's like a living legend. If all the Fantastic Four just rolled into one, he'd kinda look a bit like this. But not be a superhero, obviously. He's more of a science nerd."

* * *

**Episode 2**

**

* * *

**

Connor: "You don't understand. This is my life. I can't just stop."

Lester: "But these are exceptional circumstances. And exceptional people."

Lester: "Does dawn have a threshold, is that it?"

Lester: "And, um, lockers are expensive."  
Abby: "Never knew you were the sentimental type."  
Lester: "Not at all, I was just afraid of opening them. I have no desire whatsoever to inspect Connor's collection of vintage girly magazines and superhero action figures."

Matt: "Becker says you're brilliant with animals."  
Abby: "As long they're not trying to eat me, we get on alright."

Duncan: "I'm not listed anywhere. How did you find me?"  
Connor: "I called your mum."

Connor: "Duncan, don't cry mate, it's not helping."

Jess: "Bring me back some chocolate. Nothing with orange in it though, that's just weird."

Becker: "You read his file?"  
Jess: "Yeah I read everyone's file, that's my job ... Not that I've read your file, personal bits I mean. Nothing about wives or girlfriends or boyfriends, anything like that ... And if you did have one of those things, it would probably be a girlfriend, would it? Rather than the other options, I mean ... Uh, anyway ..."

Duncan: "Are you like his girlfriend now?"  
Abby: "Yeah."  
Duncan: "Wow, there's hope for us all."

Becker: "I don't know, Jess. Perhaps he's buying a boat."

Becker: "Yes, okay, you're brilliant."

Matt: "I thought you were supposed to be fired."  
Connor: "I'm working out my notice."

Becker: "Sorry I'm late. Caught every red light."

Duncan: "Connor, Connor is that you?"  
Connor: "'Course it's me, who d'you think it is? Listen, where are you? You need to give me a visual reference."  
Duncan: "Uh, I'm beside some, uh, some red and some green containers."  
[Red and green containers everywhere]

Abby: "Where's Duncan?"  
Connor: "Uh, I know he's definitely in a green container."  
[Green containers everywhere]

Duncan: "You and the hot blonde. Unbelievable."

Jess: "By the way, where's my chocolate?"  
Matt: "I was kinda busy."  
[Becker places chocolate bar on control panel]  
Jess: "Thank you."  
Becker: "Nothing with orange in it, right?"  
Jess: "Right."  
Abby: "You look a little flushed."  
Jess: "It's just the chocolate. Gets me all excited."

Connor: "Blimey, I should get angry more often. And I want a pay rise!"  
Lester: "Don't push your luck."

Jess: "I'll order in some Chinese. I want to hear all about Lester and Becker and Danny Quinn, Professor Cutter and Becker ... did I mention him already? The files only tell you so much, you know."

* * *

**Episode 3**

**

* * *

**

Gideon: "You remind me of myself when I was that age. Stubborn, headstrong ... Not quite so good-looking."

Connor: "Rock and roll."

Connor: "Great. Now I'm an overpaid button-pusher. In fact, forget the overpaid part."

Matt: "I mean that is enough to fry anybody's brain."  
Emily: "Fry who's brain?"  
Matt: "Metaphorically speaking."

Becker: "We take her in, keep her secure and let the experts deal with her."  
Matt: "Hold on, _we're_ the experts!"

Connor: "Great. Now I have to do a report."

Connor: "That can't be a good thing."

Jess: "What have you done?"  
Connor: "Uh ... something bad?"

Connor: "Philip never mentioned any of this to me. What kind of idiot gives someone a job to do and doesn't even brief 'em properly?"  
Philip: "I can still hear you, Connor."  
Connor: "Brilliant."

Emily: "I'm coming with you."  
Matt: "Or what?"  
Emily: "I'll be forced to hurt you."  
Matt: "_Again_. You'll be forced to hurt me _again_."

Jess: "Are you okay?"  
Connor: "Yeah. Depends on how you look at it. First day at a new job and I practically murdered the boss but other than that, yeah, I'm, I'm fine."

Jess: "Where you going?"  
Connor: "I'm gonna go and do something, quite ... quickly. Otherwise this could look really bad on my CV."

Connor: "Philip, how's Rex?"  
Philip: "Rex?"  
Connor: "Coleurosauravus. The little green lizard responsible for all this. 'Cause if anything happens to him, I'm in so much trouble."  
Philip: "No disrespect to the lizard, but I think we should be worrying about me."  
Connor: "Clearly you've not seen Abby in a bad mood."

Connor: "It's not over til the fat lady sings. I mean, I thought fat ladies sung all the time at the opera. Never really got it."  
Philip: "Shut up and listen."  
Connor: "Shutting up. Listening."

Emily: "Shoot it."  
Matt: "I can't, it's out of range."  
Emily: "But shoot it!"  
Matt: "Very bossy, aren't ya?"

Connor: "Connor Temple, you're officially a genius ... sometimes."

Connor: "Woo, high five!"  
Jess: "Medic!" [runs off]  
Connor: "Yeah, we'll do it later."

Emily: "At this stage we usually argue over how to cook it."

Connor: "Philip. I, uh, I just wanted to, um ... about the whole nearly killing you thing ..."

Emily: "No manservant?"  
Matt: "Not even a parlour maid."  
Emily: "You mocking me?"  
Matt: "Times have changed since you were around. First time you were around."

* * *

**Episode 4**

**

* * *

**

Mr George: "Ah, I love the smell of wasted potential first thing in the morning."

Mr George: "As for you two, you'll both be coming back here every week til all traces of that smell that you concocted in the science lab has been eradicated. Now ask yourself, was it really worth it?"  
Steve: "Yes sir."  
Darren: "Definitely."

Matt: "Well I'm gonna get out of bed now, so you might wanna avert your eyes."

Matt: "My shirt looks good on you by the way."  
Emily: "That was all I could find."  
Matt: "Yeah sorry about that, all me skirts are in the wash."  
Emily: "Was that an attempt at humour?"  
Matt: "Well I've had bigger laughs, but yeah."

Connor: "Philip rocks. He's like the smartest man I have ever met."  
Abby: "You're beginning to sound like a groupie."  
Connor: "I am a groupie. Just without the sworded bits and the low self-esteem."

Philip: "I was nearly killed in there."  
Lester: "I think you'll admit, human error played its part in that."

Steve [sarcastic]: "I can see why you like her so much."

Jess: "I'm hacking it right now."  
Matt: "You'd make a great bank robber, Jess."  
Jess: "I'll consider it."

Connor: "Why do all schools smell the same? Like spot cream and misery."

Becker: "I quite liked school."  
Connor: "Yeah that figures."

Steve: "Any bright ideas?"  
Darren: "We could leg it."  
Steve: "Alright."

Jess: "What are you gonna do with the mammoth? Put it on a lead?"

Matt: "Therocephalian. Half reptile, half mammal."  
Becker: "All ugly."

Abby: "This is wrong. No human being in history has seen these creatures alive before us. We've been given the most amazing gift. And how do we repay that? That priviledge? By killing them because they're _inconvenient_. What does that say about humans? About us? Lester, after all we've done here, is this how we're going to be remembered?"

Lester: "After all you've achieved, to be remembered simply as 'Burton the dinosaur killer'. Does seem rather cruel of fate. Quite the legacy I had in mind I imagine."

Connor: "What took you so long?"  
Matt: "First day in a new school. Could never find the right classroom."

Becker: "Matt, how long have I got?"  
Matt: "How does twenty seconds sound?"  
Becker: "Not the greatest news I've had all day."  
Matt: "Alright, well I'll give you thirty."

Abby: "You did this, didn't you?" [hugs Lester]  
Lester: "Steady on. That's the kind of thing that leads to office gossip."

Abby: "Do you know what I think? Underneath it all, you're actually quite nice."  
Lester: "Repeat that disgraceful slander, and you'll be hearing from my lawyers."

Lester: "You know that overfed mammoth of yours saved my life once. Would've been rude not to return the favour."

Becker: "It's just a scratch."  
Jess: "That's not what the medic said."  
Becker: "Well, just a bite then."

* * *

**Episode 5**

**

* * *

**

Kid: "And the locals are totally freaked. Well the locals are freaks but that's probably unrelated."

Philip: "Do you ever think about your future?"  
Connor: "Not really. I'll just be happy if I've got one."

Lester: "Matt? Am I boring you? When I'm reprimanding someone for being completely unprofessional and _stupid_, I expect them to at least _pretend_ they're listening."

Philip: "Get the team down there. I'm sorry James, that is of course your call."  
Lester: "... Well, get the team down there."

Lester: "Sorry, did someone give a direct order? Hm?"

Abby: "I would rather shower in toxic waste than have anything to do with him or his lousy job."  
Connor: "Right, I'm sensing you're still a bit angry with him?"  
Abby: "Can't think how you'd get that idea."

Matt: "Bit early, isn't it? Even for you two."

Connor: "Sorry, it's all in confidence." [Matt raises eyebrows] "Alright fine, you bullied it out of me."

Connor: "This place is well creepy. All we need now is a weird kid sat on a porch playing a banjo."

Abby: "I don't know any farm animal that produces a mucus like that."  
Connor: "Maybe it's a giant snail. At last a creature we're gonna be able to outrun."

Connor: "See now I'm thinking _Texas Chainsaw Massacre_."

Lester: "What on earth is going on?"  
Jess: "He's kidnapping her."  
Lester: "Yes, I can see that. I mean why do it here? You know, why can't he kidnap her in the Jurassic era where it's not my problem?"

Philip: "What is it, Jess?"  
Jess: "That's my seat."

Lester: "Okay, right, I'm on it."  
Jess: "You're on it?"  
Lester: "Why not me?"  
Jess: "Do you even know how the hub works? Can you use the radio or the anomaly detector?"  
Lester: "Honestly, Jess, if you can manage it, how hard can it be? ... Okay, and, um, how do you switch the radio on?"  
Jess: "It is on. I've just set up a secure line between you and Matt."  
Lester: "Okey dokey. Uh, Matt, can you hear me? Matt? Uh, Jess! Matt can't hear me. Your computer is broken."  
Jess: "It helps if you put the volume up."  
Lester: "Yep, sarcasm won't get you promoted, Jess."  
Jess: "Must've worked for you."  
Lester: "Don't think I didn't hear that. Right, uh, Matt. Can you read me?"  
Matt: "Lester, what're you doing there?"  
Lester: "Bear with me, I'm the new Jess."

Connor: "Abby, you're alive!"  
Abby: "Yep, last time I checked."

Abby: "That was, uh, more eventful than I imagined."

* * *

**Episode 6**

**

* * *

**

Wedding planner: "The band are not booked until tomorrow, darling. I'm sorry but you're just going to get in the way today."  
Michael: "That's exactly what my fiancé said."  
Wedding planner: "I'm sorry?"  
Michael: "I'm the groom."

Connor: "So what's gonna happen with Emily now? Huh? She's just gonna stay at your place?"  
Matt: "No."  
Connor: "Easy on the small talk, Matt, we'll never get anything done."

Jenny: "You're here, and ... oh my God, there's an anomaly." [gasps and walks away]  
Matt: "I'm Matt Anderson..."

Jenny: "I'm not a demanding bride. Really, I'm not. Rain, I can handle. Wrong flowers, fine. Dinosaurs, I draw the line."  
Connor: "Actually, they're more like prehistoric dogs this time. Kinda cute, in a not-raptor way. I'm just gonna shut up."

Jenny: "I've just been telling Michael about that mad PR firm we used to work for."  
Connor: "Mad's not really the word for it, is it?" [lowers EMD]  
Jenny: "Paintballing!"  
Connor: "Team bonding."  
Abby: "Building."  
Connor: "Yep, that's the kind of crazy stuff we get up to... at the PR firm."

Michael: "Not really, I'm a musician."  
Connor: "Wow. That's, that's cool. You any good at rock band? I've got a top score on-"

Emily: "Did a creature come through the gateway?"  
Michael: "Is this one of the team building things?"  
Connor, Abby and Jenny: "Yep."  
Emily: "What's team building?"

Jess: "Okay. Be careful, and stay warm."

Connor: "We should get married here."

Connor: "I just said something bad, didn't I?"  
Jenny: "Connor, a word of advice. It's customary to propose to the girl before you start planning the wedding."

Jenny: "Night up in my room?"  
Connor: "Oh yes please."  
Jenny: "Girls only."  
Connor: "Sexist."

Jenny: "Gosh, he's Mr Fun, isn't he? Must be a laugh a minute on the team these days."

Jess: "Thought you might be hungry. I hope you like Chinese."  
Becker: "Jessica, this is a stakeout."  
Jess: "You still have to eat. I was just on my way home, I thought I'd drop by."  
Becker: "Jess, I know where you live, it's miles away."  
Jess: "Well I like the scenic route."  
Becker: "Got any prawn crackers?"

Connor: "Go crazy, guys, this round's on me."

Becker: "You are truly brilliant."  
Jess: "I know. I am!"

Jenny: "Get away from my husband!"  
Michael: "Actually we're not married yet."  
Jenny: "Minor technicality."

Matt: "Well it wouldn't be a real wedding without a proper fight, would it?"

Lester: "You may now kiss the bride, or whatever it is that's customary on these occasions. Forgive me, I'm a little bit vague on the detail."

* * *

**Episode 7**

**

* * *

**

Keith: "Yeah, you want to go to Alcatraz, mate."

Matt: "That way we've cleaned up our own mess and you're back on the Minister's Christmas card list."

Connor: "So, this is where it all happens. This is my desk. It's a little bit..."  
Abby: "Messy."  
Connor: "Yep. Messy would be the word for it right now. You know, it's good, I mean I s'pose it's your average work surface area, really ..." [holds up weird spirally thing] I don't even know what that does."

Abby: "What's this?"  
Connor: "Ah. That's a dating calculator."  
Abby: "What?"  
Connor: "Oh. No, not, not that kind of dating."

Jess: "I'm growing old here, Connor."

Connor: "Looks like 1870ish."  
Abby: "Ish?"

Connor: "Becker, it leads to the Victorian era. What d'you think's gonna come through? Olivertwistosaurus?"

Becker: "If that's what I think it was, then your calculator's only, what, a few _million_ years out."

Jess: "I'm only registering the first anomaly. Are you sure?"  
Becker: "Yes, Jess, pretty sure!"

Connor: "Can't believe you shot him. He's been away over a year and he finally makes it back and you just..." [makes popping sound]

Becker: "Come on, Quinn, get up. Stop faking."  
Danny [to Abby]: "Becker. Becker. Wow, Becker, you're much cuter than I remember."

Connor: "Matt shot you."  
Danny: "Yeah?"  
Becker: "Matt likes to shoot people."

Connor: "Where were you?"  
Danny: "Well you know, here and there."

Danny: "So, did you two end up, um..."  
Abby: "What?"  
Danny: "You know." [whistles]

Danny: "Let me introduce you to Molly."  
Abby: "Molly?"  
Connor: "Hang on. You named your stick?"  
Danny: "Listen, it was just me and those terror birds for six months. Believe me, you start naming things."

Matt: "Drop the gun or I'll drop you!"

Danny: "Oi, big bird!"

Lester: "So, Helen Cutter. Dead?"  
Danny: "As a dodo."  
Lester: "Excellent."

Danny: "Nice. You said she was good."

Danny: "And oi, I've not forgotten that you shot me. I'll get you back for that one day."

* * *

**Trivia**

**

* * *

**

Season four and five were filmed back-to-back for a period of eight months. There is also talk of a possible sixth series and currently a movie is under planning.

_If you want to share a piece of your own trivia from season four, say so and I'll add it with your name._


	6. Season five

**Episode 1**

* * *

Lester: "Yes, I've got an anomaly for you, Jess. One of the greatest anomalies known to the Western world. Why do they call them roadworks when there's never any work going on!"

Abby: "Unauthorised personnel requesting permission to enter."

Abby: "You smell."  
Connor: "Thanks very much … Eh, you're right, I do."

Jess: "You might want to invest in a Sat Nav."  
Lester: "Why bother when I've got you?"

Jess: "Anything else you need that's not on my job description?"

Lester: "You better send a helicopter for me."

Philip: "Solve the greatest problem mankind has today."  
Connor: "What, it's gonna work out where there's always a sock missing after you've done the washing?"

Lester: "Oh, yeah, fine. Throw us back a tank as well."  
Becker: "A tank?"  
Lester: "No, no, I was obviously joking."  
Becker: "But really, a tank?"  
Lester: "You can't have a tank!"

Lester: "Just so I know, who is it exactly that Matt intends to shoot?"

Lester: "This would have to happen on the day I'm being vetted for a knighthood."  
Jess: "Yeah, some creatures just have no sense of occasion, do they?"

Lester: "If you were an insect, would you want to eat Connor?"

Matt: "How many?"  
Connor: "More than I'm entirely happy about."

Becker: "Next time, run quicker."

* * *

**Episode 2**

* * *

Lester: "No running in the corridors!"

Connor: "That hurt."

Officer: "But it's a dinosaur, right? A real, live … dead dinosaur."

Admiral: "I hope your people know what they're doing."  
Lester: "… I hope yours do, too."

Admiral: "I'll take a pot of coffee."  
Lester: "Us too. Mine with cream, no sugar. How do you take yours, Jess?"  
Jess: "Frothy, thanks very much, Admiral."

Officer: "The Jurassic era? That was like thousands of years ago!"  
Connor: "Well, two hundred, two hundred and forty _million_ years ago if you're gonna be … what? I'm just tellin' him."

Matt: "Well hurry up. Without power we can't get back through the anomaly."  
Connor: "Really? Cause there was I thinking we could all just stick our arms out of the portholes and paddle our way back to the twenty-first century."  
Matt: "Yeah, sorry. Just find it, okay?"  
Connor: "I'm finding it, I'm finding it."

Abby: "Connor!"  
Connor: "Yeah. Friendly Connor. Harmless Connor. Get-the-spanner-outta-me-face Connor."

Lester: "I see. I see. Yes, minister, of course. Well, have a good apocalypse. You're already pond life, you wouldn't notice the difference."

Lester: "Ever considered a sports car? You know, that whole 'extension of masculinity' thing. I've got Doctor Strangelove up on BluRay, if that helps."

Connor: "Bet you're glad I made you play all those video games now?"

HMS Gartside: To ARC – Mission Success – Returning to base. Whoever took a shot at us better not be there.

* * *

**Episode 3**

* * *

Becker: "More of a post-impressionist myself. Anomaly's this way."  
Matt: "You know, the more I get to know him, the more frightened I get."

Becker: "It doesn't like me, it's threatened by me. It senses that I'm the alpha male."

Matt: "What are you doing here?"  
Emily: "I live here."

Matt: "Just softened him up for you."

Becker: "So you just went back for the raptor, yeah?"

* * *

**Episode 4**

* * *

Becker: "What the hell? I gave you a direct order."  
Emily: "I know. I just thought you were wrong."

Becker: "We really need a clearer chain of command around here."

Becker: "She disobeyed a direct order."  
Matt: "Yeah, get used to it."

Becker: "How are you feeling?"  
Jess: "Insecty bitey."

Matt: "That'll kill everything in the ARC."  
Connor: "Never said it was a perfect plan."

Becker: "Carbohydrate gel, electrolytes …"  
Abby: "Much tastier than walls and wiring."

Jess: "I have felt worse, but at least there was tequila and dancing involved."

Becker: "Here, you need to drink this. That's an order."  
Jess: "You're mean, you know that?"  
Becker: "Yes, I do know that. I'm very mean. Now drink this."

Jess: "I'm sorry. You're nice, really. You've got lovely hair …"

Connor: "Let's just say it's better than winning the jackpot on the National Lottery."  
Matt: "That's like ten million to one."  
Connor: "Yeah … I did say better than."  
Matt: "Well if you're not in it, you can't win it."

Becker: "I'm, um, I'm gonna ... I'm gonna go and do some security stuff."

* * *

**Episode 5**

* * *

Lester: "So I leave you for a matter of days and in that time you [to Connor] nearly destroy the ARC and you [to Matt] turn out to be either a visitor from the future or, in fact, and I think this is the more likely option, clinically mad."  
Matt: "The former. But then I would say that if I was clinically mad, right?"

Lester: "Don't we have security checks for this sort of thing?"  
Becker: "Sorry sir, the machine that checks whether people are from the future was out of order."  
Lester: "I'll do the sarcasm, if you don't mind."

Philip: "What an awkward silence."

Lester: "Come on, those dinosaurs don't chase themselves."

Becker: "Can't I just shoot something?"

Abby: "When I put my finger on your lips it means you stop talking."  
Connor: "Okay … sorry."  
Abby: "This is the part where you kiss me."

Jess: "That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me."  
Lester: "I think it's actually the nicest thing I've ever said to anyone, including my wife."  
Jess: "Do you mean it?"  
Lester: "Every word. Now get back to work before we both start crying and hugging."

Lester: "Preferably something cuddly and vegetarian, because this is my best shirt."

Philip: "What are you going to do? Kill me?"  
Matt: "Yah. If I have to."

Jess: "It's outside. In the carpark."  
Lester: "Oh my god, my new Jag's in the carpark. This time it's personal."

Lester: "Oi! Have you any idea how much that thing cost?"

* * *

**Episode 6**

* * *

Philip: "What is wrong with you people? Can't you see that I'm actually _quite busy_ here?"

Lester: "Could Philip not afford to pay the electricity bill?"

Lester: "Now I've seen it all. Mobile phone reception when you really need it."

Lester: "They're not dead, Jess, and it's not the end of the world. If it was, someone would've sent us a memo. You know what my father used to say when things got rough? 'Where's that ruddy whisky?'"

Lester: "Don't tell me you're teetotal."

Philip: "Matt. I'm the bad guy."

Becker: "That's the first one I've managed to hit."

Connor: "It makes the big one even more powerful, and it accelerates the whole apocalyptic end-of-the-world type thing."

Becker: "Matt, what about my truck? No? Oh well, I guess we'll just walk back to the ARC."

Connor: "How's Lester?"  
Jess: "He's going to be okay. He's already threatening to sack the medics."

Abby: "Connor Temple, will you marry me?"  
Connor: "I'll have to think about it –"  
Abby: "Forget it."  
Connor: "Yes. _So_ yes."

Becker: "Here we are. How're you feeling, Lester?"  
Lester: "What an idiotic question. How do you think I'm feeling?"

Lester: "Only two people have got that number. One's the minister, the other's my wife. Either way, I think I'm in for an earful."

* * *

**Trivia**

* * *

The password to Connor's lab was 58008. Type this into a calculator and turn it upside down.

There are two (known) deleted scenes from season five available to see on XxbagpussxX's Youtube channel. One is Memily-related from episode two and the other explains how Becker knew there were future predators at the ARC.

_If you want to share a piece of your own trivia from season five, say so and I'll add it with your name._

* * *

So this may very well be the end of Primeval forever. D':

Fingers crossed they get enough support to produce a season six. Ways to help are to watch the series on television when it comes out in your country so they get the ratings up and to buy the books and DVDs, etc.

Also if you haven't already, please sign the petition to create the special edition box set. ( http: / / www . ipetitions . com / petition / primeval_box_set / )


End file.
